the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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