Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
