i can't believe i had my finger in that
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
