I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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