i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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