the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
