like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
