I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
