I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
