If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
