you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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