fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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