check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
