At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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