someone threw a dead crab at me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
