We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
