I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
