I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
