yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
