I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
