Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
