Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she peed on how many people?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize