He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
