wakey wakey hands off snakey
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
