too bad you live with your parents still
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
did i just pee glitter
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
