i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
