So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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