anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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