I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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