Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
