Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
