The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
