the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
