I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
