I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
