he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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