I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
