two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
