roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
