I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
