Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
