We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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