i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
zippers are such a cool invention
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
