Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize