Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
