My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
