My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
