so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
