Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
