sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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