I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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