I just threw up on my dentist
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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