maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
