i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
