my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
