As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
