I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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