I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
