My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
