THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
