How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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