can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
