Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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