took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
