Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
