I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i want to swaddle you in tequila
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
