I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
