what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
