i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
