How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
