She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize