i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
